just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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