I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to calm my uterus...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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