mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
