You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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