So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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