why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
