She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
