kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
do herpes really smell.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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