just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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