The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
