My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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