: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We left the knife in your bed.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
