Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So squirting runs in the family.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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