i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A bitchslap is in order.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
