census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
