Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
