Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
