Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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