So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's like iHOP with fire
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
