No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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