He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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