Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize