my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
