it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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