I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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