We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
