No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
