Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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