foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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