she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
