remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
