wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
