we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
