so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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