so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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