i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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