What did we do last night that was yellow?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
