someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize