What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
