I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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