So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
