so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hippo gnu deer
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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