1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
