I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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