she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
