so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
