I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
