It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
