ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
