wrigley field is MILF paradise
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
