They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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