Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
