The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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