He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
