East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i already hear my dad disowning me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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