Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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