According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
