dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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