tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
