A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
