True but thats because hes a fetus.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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