just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
