I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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