yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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