Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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