She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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